Funny Ha-Ha

I sent an email tonight to everyone who I have met travelling (obviously only those whose email address I have), ie, a lot of people, just to say "hi" and that my trip (or "adventure" as some like to call them) is coming to an end. Yvonne pointed out what a funny joke I had made, titling the email "The End Is Neigh". Hmmm

Lots of travellers end their journey with the treat of a stay at a luxury hotel. I had no such plans, but Thursday Jordi and I are off to Calafate, where the famous Moreno Glacier (lots of facts and figures here) ends in spectacular style. We shall be staying in spectacular style, at the four star Posadas Los Alamos. It will be the plushest hotel I have stayed in on this trip. Ok, ever. I am really looking forward to a big, non-saggy bed, with thick light duvet and hot showers at any time of day in the warm on-suit bathroom. So forgive me if you don't hear from me until I'm home on Thursday.

BJ's Cyber Cafe

This story hinges on a common feature of men's toilets that might need an explanation for all those girlies out there. You have urinals right? Troughs and individual urinals. More often than not the individuals are set too close together, at best making it awkward to pee next to somebody, at worse making it practically impossible to fit two bodies around two urinals, this usually occurs in a corner where two urinals will point at one person standing there. What are they expecting? Siamese twins? One urinal to break, leaving the backup? A man with two penises? Anyway...

So after a bit of an internet sesh I needed a wee and made a trip to the toilet. There were two urinals in a corner, as explained above, and a man using one, so I decided to wait. But the man said "pase, pase", I'm not sure how to translate that*, but you get the idea. So I go in and decide, no, really, I cannot fit into that space, even skinny old me, so I tell him I'll wait. He finishes, goes to wash his hands and repeats "pase, pase" so I pase and start the serious business of peeing. He talks to me a bit, I don't really catch what he says, but I figure he's cursing the people who are thinking of the Siamese twins, so I nod and laugh in agreement. The guy comes back to the other urinal and starts unzipping himself. This is when I figure something is up. I was right, there's not enough room, he might as well use my urinal. He's looking over, I swear it. Not really that phased I finish and do my myself up. He goes for my groin. This is when I start saying "no". I wash my hands. He apologises, and explains that he likes to... and here he made a very explicit gesture with his hand and his mouth, now if he'd just said that from the start...

In other news my flight is a week Tuesday. I really don't want to leave Buenos Aires :'( My current fantasy is that I will find a company in the UK who will pay me half what I was getting in London but will let me work from here.

*Update: Jodi says that "pase" translates to "come in", I replied that you wouldn't say that in English, it would sound a bit weird, but then I suppose maybe it sounds weird in Spanish too, and warning bells should have been ringing from the start :)

Drunk Tom

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a new guy in our hostel, it was around midday, I was just having breakfast, he was just having a couple of beers. I didn't think much of it, people do that sort of thing in hostels, though it's a little dangerous in Argentina as you often don't stop drinking until the next day. Later we met and he turned out to be a nice young American thinking about getting a flat in Buenos Aires. That evening I came back to find that he was still drinking, though holding it together quite well, just going a little slow, though later he lost the ability to string a sentence together, and later still made a female friend of mine a little uncomfortable.
The next day I went down for breakfast at about the same time to find the same scene, Tom drank a couple of beers while I was eating my breakfast. This is when I first started to suspect that there might be a problem. Things continued in this vein for a week until one day he came to our room saying that he had to leave as there were no spare beds, I went down to reception as I hadn't booked a bed in advance either. The receptionists gave me a bed on condition that I didn't tell Tom. Apparently Tom was being subtly chucked out of the hostel for breaking some stuff and attempting to punch someone, I'd only ever seen him as a peaceful drunk. After he'd gone I felt a bit guilty that I didn't try to offer him any help. But not that guilty, he returned to the bar one evening and I remembered how awkward things could get.
Skip ahead to yesterday evening, I and four friends were eating at a restaurant a couple of blocks from our hostel when Tom walks in. Slowly. He comes over to our table and attempts a conversation but we couldn't really make out what he wanted to say apart from "should I leave?" and "should I eat here?" We weren't really sure of the answers to these questions. Eventually he sat by himself at another table and the waiter came over to apologise, I told him not to worry, we knew him. During our meal Tom repeatedly tried to engage in conversation, in vein, once apologising, for what we weren't sure. After a while he started to pace a couple of times and the waiter came over and told me that he needed to go to the loo but couldn't make it on his own, the toilets being down a spiral staircase. I got up to help him, but as I got up I could see that I was too late and sat down again. Tom got up leaving his books and jacket and left the restaurant. The waiter wanted us to pay for his bottle of wine. We refused.
This morning I went to find Tom to tell him where his stuff was and offer him help. He didn't take me up on the help, though I'm not sure what I could do. He told me that it's happened a couple of times, he's been half way through a book and lost it. I wondered if he really thought the book had caused him to lose his temper. It took two people to explain to me that he meant he'd lost the book and not lost his temper.
So that's my (attempted) good dead for the day, now where are some kittens I can kill?

In other news Jordi is famous after appearing on TV at a competition to see who can do the most convincing rolly-polly. She appears at 1:25 here.

A First Time For Everything

I've never been too quick in certain situations, so when I noticed Jordi shrinking away from two guys walking towards us I didn't think much of it. I began to think more of it when they started asking for money, but I still attempted the ostrich defence thinking that they were probably just begging and walked between them, Jordi was less sure. When one started to hold her jacket I kind of pulled her on in an attempt to get her to keep walking, I managed a "que pasa?" (as Jordi pointed out recently, my favourite Spanish phrase. Actually my only Spanish phrase) she got out her purse and gave them some notes (about 20 pesos, £3) and they ran off. I wonder what would have become of me if Jordi had taken her bus and not walked me home. I might have lost all the money that would have gone to the tattooist if my skin had healed better and he'd been able to finish my tattoo.

Smooth Operator

There seems to be something about the Argentinean phone system which is conducive to wrong numbers (there is some weirdness with mobile numbers changing depending on where you are in the country and whether you want to call or text, it is a big country, but then the population isn't that high), I've even been told that people keep chatting to wrong numbers on occasion in the hope of securing a date. So I wasn't that surprised to get a text a day or so after getting my own mobile asking after Gaby. What is surprising is that these text messages haven't stopped. (It has occurred to me that this might be one of Jordi's friends, but it seems a little long winded for a practical joke.)

Thursday

HOW'S IT GOING GABY?

I'm not Gaby, I'm Jamie.

I HAVE THIS NUMBER AS GABY'S

(In English) Stop shouting, Gaby is not here!

Wednesday

Hello Skinny-Girl! How are you? I need a favour...
(Flaco/Flaca is a nickname for a skinny boy/girl)

I am not Skinny-Girl, I am Skinny-Boy.

Sorry, you know what? I would like to communicate with gabriela, you don't know her?

Is she pretty?

You don't know the number? I am a girl? I don't know...

Thursday

HOW'S IT GOING GABY?

Saturday

HOW ARE YOU GABY? I REALLY LIKE YOU A LOT!!

(The term "te quiero" is quite difficult to translate, it kinda means "I love you", but it's quite loose and means different things when you say it to a friend, a family member or a (potential) boyfriend/girlfriend, "Te quiero pero no te amo", "I love you but I don't love you" is famous.)

Thanks, but I am not Gaby

SO WHO ARE YOU?

I am Jamie.

TBC

Does He Take Sugar?

Now don't get me wrong, my Spanish is pretty bad, but after a month in fucked-up-Portuguese speaking Brazil having to struggle through the simplest restaurant request, I'd forgotten how much Spanish I actually knew. Yesterday I went to get my hair cut, it was the first date I've ever been on at a hairdressers, but anyway, I couldn't really get much of what he (the hairdresser, not my date, who was female :P ) was saying, though he still complimented me on my Spanish, and then later that evening I was chatting to a guy on a bus and really got everything that he said, I was pretty pleased with myself, I think I am beginning to see why people like learning languages.

Back In BA. Again.

At the risk of sounding like a pretentious knobber, comng back to Buenos Aires really felt like coming home. Mexico was my favourite holidaying place (sorry Sonia, Colombia comes a close second) but Argentina is the place that I'd emigrate to. They just know how to do things right, from the buses, food and wine, to the food and wine on the buses. The mosquitoes really know how to bite. My hand and wrist have swollen due to a couple of nasty ones. It's strange as it's so cold here, and I wasn't bothered this much even in the Colombian jungle.

Last night as I was walking home I witnessed a tramp having a wank in a large, glass fronted, very well lit ATM cubical.

It Never Rains

If there is anything funnier than a middle aged Australian couple arguing in an internet cafe over a group email trying to control their voices then I have yet to find it.

"Chris, you are brain-dead when it comes to this stuff!"

So since mentioning the rainy season in my last post it has been raining about 50% of the time. Mostly during the night luckily, but I got caught out last night and am now wearing plastic bags for socks.

The road to Iruya is 56km of dirt track. There isn't one bus a day, there's a convoy of five buses that all leave together. Safety in numbers I think. There were no problems on the way there but on the way back we had 4 punctures between the five buses and had to stop several times to help other stranded vehicles. I suppose it's the rain.

Humahuaca is a black hole. There's nothing here but you can't leave, and when you do leave you come straight back. Not that I mind, we had a really nice lunch at the hostel yesterday, I was trying to work out why the locals were laughing at me, at first I thought it was because I was eating the chili sauce so easily, but after a while the hostel owner showed me how to peel my broad beans(!)

Ok, that was all so long ago, I am now in Tupiza, Bolivia. The internet still sucks. I will be out of radio contact as I am going on a four day trip to the salt flats/deserts/pans/whatever, so don't worry too much if I don't email, I don't think they supply internet on the jeep.

Also this blog has moved to http://blog.kitten-x.com, I thought it might be easier to remember. Over and out.

Alone Again

So Johanna and I finally split, after having a wonderful 3 weeks and then pulling each other's teeth and hair out in the last 3 days. Being alone again feels strange this time for some reason. I am back in the north, the land of multicoloured hills. I was expecting it to be even hotter than last time, but I forgot that up here and in Bolivia and Peru they don't have summer, they have wet season, well done Jamie, a genius time to be travelling! So Antony: I now know what all the bridges are for.

Actually there is a big advantage to travelling Argentina now, it's the holidays, and for the first time I'm actually meeting Argentineans in hostels and having to speak Spanish!

It's funny how things always seem much better when you're desperate. Last night I arrived in Humahuaca 24 hours after leaving Mendoza to find no room at the inn(s), so to speak. After walking across the town three times I finally made it to an extremely basic hostel. So basic that it's not actually finished yet. But I love it. It reminds me a lot of Lockerbrook (target audience) in the good (bad) old days. We even have to do the washing up outside.

I don't care what people say, dogs definitely understand some language. I was talking to the dog at the hostel in English and it didn't understand a word, I switched to Spanish and it was suddenly obedient. It positively jumped when I said "afuera!" ("out!"). Except having just looked it up I think I might have said "a fuerte!" ("to strong!").

I tried some coca leaves properly for the first time today, a few people I have spoken to said that they didn't feel any effects, I did, and I don't think I like it. Obviously there's the numbing of the cheek and tongue, and then there's a sort of light feeling, and if anything it made me more introverted, which wasn't good being with a group of Argentines that I'd only just met trying to speak Spanish. I felt like it made me a bit stupid too (no comments please). Definitely staves off hunger though.

Mum's worried about me going to Bolivia, can't imagine why.

Thought this was quite amusing:

"They all hate the Bush plan. All except Bush, and even he does, if one can judge by the look on his face during the speech."

SHMUEL ROSNER IN ISRAEL'S HA'ARETZ

In other news I hate the internet.

No Future

Apart from electric kettles another thing that Chile has over Argentina is change. I'm not talking profound change, but rather small change. In Argentina you have to constantly be aware of what change you have left, remember to withdraw odd amounts from ATMs and try to get rid of big notes at every opportunity. And it's not just my imagination.

I have to decide soon whether I want to extend my trip, probably for another three months. Since I still have to visit Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador, Colombia and Venezuela and only have six weeks left it's a bit of a "no brainer", but a few days ago I was feeling a bit jaded about the whole meet new people, make friends, move on, meet new people, make new friends, ad nauseum, thing, which is a bit strange since the last 3-4 weeks in Bariloche and Valparaiso have been some of the best of my trip so far.

I met a really nice girl at a party last night, but I can't help thinking, wtf is the point? She lives in BsAs, I'm leaving the country, blah blah blah. Then I got a lift back with someone who certainly should not have been driving. I would have been scared if I hadn't been so tired and drunk. He spent most of the time on the wrong side of the road overtaking people.

Deja Vu All Over Again

I'm back in Chile again. Thinking how nice Argentinean women look again. Kai's abandoned me again. I'm waiting for a bus again. Wasting time on the internet again.

Bariloche was nice, very like I imagine Switzerland, it's even the chocolate capital of Argentina. It was just a pity that I didn't have any clothes or shoes for walking and had my first piece of bad luck with the weather, though like I said, the cold, wind and rain made a nice change.

I had a slightly odd request to use one of my pictures on a sight apparently dedicated to images of bridges.

Thanks Mum!/Blinded By Faith

I know I have a lot to thank my mother for, but sometimes it really hits home. Last night Kai was demanding dinner, so I chose something quick and easy: quiche. (Which reminds me: George Bush is in a restaurant and when the waitress arrives he asks her for a quickie. The waitress slaps him and storms off. Donald Rumsfeld leans over and says "Erm, it's pronounced quiche, sir.") Everyone one was mightily impressed (with my cooking rather than my jokes), several people asked if I was a chief, and a couple of people asked how to make it. When I started with flour their eyes opened in amasement "What, you made the pastry too?!"

We used to get these stupid questionnaires at Uni, one of the questions was always "What's your biggest turn off?" I always had difficulty imagining what could really put me off someone. Imagine, you've met this really nice person, really good looking, fit, funny, sensitive, intelligent, talented, you share interests. Then after spending a nice day together she/he...

Tells you "I don't believe in evolution."

I guess I have both my parents to thank for that one.

Stranger

I guess it's not exactly shocking that I should be meeting people that I've already met, but sometimes it's still surprising. I've met a few people at bus stations, a guy in a CD shop in BsAs, a guy walking down the street in Cordoba, but this morning was strangest of all. I woke up and noticed a girl in the bunk across from me. I got up, had a shower and went back to the room. The girl got up. I knew her. She had been working in a hostel I was at in Mendoza two months ago. Her mum lives here in Baraloche.

Talking of bunks, I recently discovered choosing a top bunk can be a real advantage. I awoke at 3am to find somebody standing by my bunk murmuring. I assumed that he was speaking Spanish to the girl in the bunk bellow me, but as I came to, I realised that the noise I was hearing wasn't the drain pipe that ran through the room, but the sound of someone peeing very close to me indeed.

BTW, if you're looking for something amusing check out my brother Rod's blog.

Cray Zee

So it's 11:40pm on a Sunday, and getting into the Argentinean swing of things I have just finished dinner and fancy an ice cream. So I ask the people at the hostel reception if they think that the ice cream shop will be open (have I mentioned how good the ice cream is here? Mascarpone like raspberry ripple, and coffee with real coffee beans, anyway...) and they say yeah sure. So I get down there at midnight expecting to find one bored attendant waiting to serve me, but no, of course not, this is Argentina, there are 5 year old kids playing in the play ground and a crowd of people all clamoring for ice creams. Kids! You should have been in bed! Like five hours ago!

It's easy to forget the incredible distances involved in moving from place to place in Argentina, even our first journey - 18 hours from Buenos Aires to Mendoza - seemed natural, the great buses help. Yesterday I went from the intense heat and sun and infinite flat scrub land of Puerto Madryn to the cold (thank God! It finally feels like Christmas) and beautiful mountainous lake district of Baraloche.

Whale Weigh

I may have been born under a water sign, but I am definitely not a sea person. To go out whale watching I got dressed up in all the gear, warm clothes, yellow tarpaulin and life jacket (which I swear would just hinder your breathing if anything did happen). Then on to the boat. Now I like the idea in theory, but when you're racing through the waves, salt water in your eyes, wind chapping at your lips, clinging on for dear life, numbing fingers becoming weaker and weaker, I find that some of the romance is gone. But anyway, it was very sweet - a mother Right Whale with a calf always close by.

After the whales we carried on our tour of the peninsular. The most overwhelming thing being the hares. Sorry did I say "overwhelming"? Our guide was obsessed with them, I tried to explain that we have hares in England too, but he explained to me "No, they're not rabbits!" Of course.

Sorry, really I had (and am having) a wonderful time. The sea here is really beautiful, changing colour from light green in the shallows to deep blue at the horizon, and we saw a lot of animals and birds on our tour: Elephant Seals, Penguins and even families of Reas (Emu/Ostrich type things).

Paranoid And Sunburnt (Ur-a-gay)

I finally went to Colonia, Uruguay, yesterday. Which was nice. When I got up in Buenos Aires it was raining. I took Kai's umbrella and my jacket but left my factor 40 suncream behind. I have been more sunburnt in my life. Once. The first day that I was in Australia and had six blisters on one lip. But yesterday I managed to burn the back of my hand. Who else has managed to burn their hand?! I blame the sun halo (pictured). Colonia is lovely, I highly recommend it. To get there you have to cross what must be one of the widest "rivers" in the world, which is really really brown, it ruined lots of the pictures, I suppose it's pollution. Sonja, my Colonia companion, said that her travel book says that if you fall into the water around BA you should see a doctor, so we went for a swim, and the water didn't taste salty, so I guess it really is a river.

I have some plans. I am going south tomorrow, for two weeks, hopefully going right down to see the glacier, then hopefully meet Kai for a few days in Baraloche (the lake district). Kai is here now, but he's going up to Iguazu in the interim. After that I am meeting my "old" friend Johanna, who I spent time with in Cordoba and Salta, for Christmas and New Year in Valparaiso, Chile. I then want to travel north, visiting Bolivia and Peru, and then up to see friends in Venezuela and Mexico. I was hoping I might be able to just catch the second leg of my flight straight from the US, but apparently that's not possible :(

I think I can feel the beginnings of three blisters on my lips.

Everybody's Looking For Something

I had a dream last night:

I was travelling, and I met this really lovely girl who I really really liked, she happened to look a lot like Victoria, sparkly eyes and all. Unfortunately she was leaving, but I realised that I had a ticket for exactly same date and time, so I was hoping that we would be able to stay together. Then I was waiting at the train station, with 15 minutes to go, and I realised that I hadn't got my bag with me, and that I hadn't even packed it. The train arrived and I explained to the driver that I had to get my bag and she said that it was ok, they could wait for me. So I started back to the hostel where I was staying but I couldn't quite remember where it was, or even go in the right direction, I think I had to crawl for some reason. And by the time I got back and packed it was far too late, and I had to take a bus, knowing that I would never see the girl again.

I think that it's one of the most obvious dreams that I've ever had in my life. The night before I dreamed that my youngest brother, Josh, was stealing this huge ship-like metal contraption from our mum's garden.

So yeah, Victoria and I are parting company, slowly and painfully but surely. Kai of course has been a bastion of support, coming out with little gems, such as "ah well...", "plenty more fish in the sea" and "I have a wart!"

In other news, through the power of the internet, I am now listening to the song that I had in my head this morning when I woke up this morning - Automatic Stop by The Strokes, yay! :)

Odds And Ends

Four posts in two days, it must be bad.

My "illness" continues, psychologically I feel better, but I awoke at 8 again and couldn't get back to sleep, and my right hand has had cramp all day. Does that mean I've had a heart attack? Or is that the left side? What does the right side mean? I just read in my book, Veronika Decides To Die, that "a lack of serotonin impairs one's capacity to concentrate at work, to sleep, to eat, and to enjoy life's pleasures." No mention of cramp in right hand though. Maybe I have caught some of the radiation from that Russian spy.

Usually when I go to another country I am struck by how little I think of the local music, but Argentine pop, and the rock especially is pretty good, I even sent Maddy a CD thinking she might like it, she hasn't got back to me on that one though :) Although some of the pop artists are difficult to tell apart, or maybe there is just one incredibly popular guy. It's possible. Talking of music, it's the one thing that I really miss, I'd just love to be able to hear Some Things Come From Nothing by Super Furry Animals or What Would The Comunity Think by Catpower.

I saw another T-shirt today, it was actually really good, but I can't fricking remember what it said, anyone know hypnosis?

OMG, in this internet cafe you cannot browse webpages with "pink" in the url!

I have another film to recommend: Pieces of April. A good film staring Katie Holmes, whatever next?

####### Americans

It took a while to stop refering to people from the USA as Americans, because obviously, everyone here is American. I just made eye contact with two American women...

"Doo yoou speak ENglish?"
"Yes" (Do you?)
"Do you know how to call the United States?"
"Have you tried dialling 001?" (You see the USA had to be 001 so that y'all could remember, y'see?)

Actually I feel a little guilty, I just overheard them, they've had some sort of problem here, and of course, no one speaks ENglish.

BTW, the reason for the hashes are that this ####### internet cafe has some sort of clever sensoring software, although strangely, in some wierd concession to sussex it doesn't sensor "sex", but you can't visit any website with "####" in the url.

Back In BA

So I went to Brazil. I saw a waterfall (Iguazu, on the Brazil/Argentine border). The Brazilian side was actually a little disappointing, although it has the more impressive view^*, I realised that the really fun part about the Argentinean side was all the walking though the jungle and seeing all the wildlife (ok, birds, butterflies, lizards and a caiman).

I also went to a bird park that I had been recommended in Brazil. I quickly remembered how little I like seeing large birds in small cages, and even less paying to keep them there. But will I ever get the chance to stroke a friendly toucan again?

So I'm back in Buenos Aires, and I've been feeling really strange, I can't quite put my finger on it. At first I thought it was the 18 hr bus ride which I found too cold to sleep, but I woke up this morning at 8 and couldn't get back to sleep, which is unheard of for me. I am actually wondering if I am a bit ill, other symptoms include taking on lots of fluids and lose of appetite. Maybe I'm in love :) no, it's just a funny phase I'm going through, or maybe it's delayed altitude sickness from Purmamarca and the salt flats.

* Actually I just realised that Argentina has the most impressive view, right over the biggest part of the waterfall, but I arrived there as the park was closing and was hurried along, I'd been spending too long photographing butterflies :)